THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN FROM ILLINOIS will annouce his VICE PRESIDENTIAL PICK first and foremost to his million+ supporters via TEXT MESSAGE.� Though this is decidedly WHIPS, it will likely cause phone companies to reconsider offering an unlimited text message plan during his presidency. �

SENATOR MCCAIN compared HARVARD EDUCATED CHICAGO LAW-TEACHING SENATOR OBAMA to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears in a recent television commercial.� This is weird cause those bitches are clearly dumb.�

During his recent ECONOMIC SUMMIT, Senator Obama met with a number of key economically inclined AMERICANS, including the CEO of PEPSI, rather than Coke.� This is because there is no more FREEDOM oriented fast food outlet than the KENTACO HUT (those where the KFC, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut menu's are available in the same place from the same counter) and you can ONLY GET Pepsi there.� Plus, he's so ACES that he freaks people outlike PEPSI CLEAR.

The GERMANS favor OBAMA not because he does not dismiss them as OLD EUROPE or because his name is fun to say in a German accent, but because they think he can be convinced to permanently pull HOGAN'S HEROS and its awful stereotypes off the air.

SENATOR BARACK OBAMA has a secret plan for PEACE in the MIDDLE EAST that involves JEWS, MUSLIMS, TRUST, HIGH STAKE TEXAS HOLD-EM and contrasting photographs of SENATOR MCCAIN scowling around in a golf cart.